At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
