i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
