True but thats because hes a fetus.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
