Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
