He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
