I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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