Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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