he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
