Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
