The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
