Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have tasted many bathrooms
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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