he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
