sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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