i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
