yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
