If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
