i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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