I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
