I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize