I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
