people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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