Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
