Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize