I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My vagina is officially offended.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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