god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
