It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
