I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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