so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
