I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
