There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she smelled like a LAN party
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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