And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
