I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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