remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
