I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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