I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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