I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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