I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
