I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
