Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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