i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Enjoy the penises
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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