Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
