Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
