I think my fart just growled at me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
