I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
