question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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