physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
