apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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