You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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