dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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