My liver just broke up with me...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize