thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i will never coherently bang her
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
