He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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