tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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