Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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