just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
