I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
