I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
