sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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