im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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