Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
