Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize