turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize