I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
