I got chris browned last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
