I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
