i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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