Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
